i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
