i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
