I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
