I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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