my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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