Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
