are you so shy because you have an std?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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