dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
