There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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