Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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