I hate your face
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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