I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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