I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize