we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
