It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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