well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
