i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
