You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
