There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
