We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
