I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
