sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
