seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Panties = found
Randomize
