I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
