she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
