He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
