How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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