Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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