i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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