My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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