Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
