i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
