apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
that is very illegal...i love you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
