lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
