There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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