R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
