Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
