so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
