So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
