Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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