do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
