bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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