Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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