Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
