are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
