so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Small penises have feelings too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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