4 words: hood of his car
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
