Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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