yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
