if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
