Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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