After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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