she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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