Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
